When Your Loved One Resists Care

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Dec
2011

We grow old gracefully - well, not always. Have you or are you currently dealing with a loved one who has decided that under no uncertain terms are they going to accept the care they need? Rest assured you are not alone. From refusing medicine to avoiding showers, this issue comes up quite often and is one of the toughest challenges you can face when caring for the elderly. So what is it that causes us to resist the care that we may so desperately need?

Typically, those who are resisting care are simply trying to communicate with you in the only way they know how. They are usually dealing with some kind of loss, either of their independence or mental faculties like what we see in dementia patients. Feelings of vulnerability, guilt, anger, bitterness or the idea that they have become a burden can all play a significant role.

Since there are many factors that can cause elders to refuse care here are some things you can consider that may help you cope with the situation a little easier:

• If it is out of the norm for them to resist it is worth investigating to determine if something has happened: i.e. dementia, stroke, vision or hearing loss or maybe they are simply embarrassed.

• Watch for signs or changes in communication patterns

• Take note of the environmental factors such as lighting, temperature, aromas, noise or other external influences

• Check your frustration. It is easiy to become frustrated and allow our emotions to speak for us therefore agitating our loved one only make the situation such worse.

• Determine the necessity of the action being requested. E.g. a daily bath that could be moved to once or twice a week or changing clothes that are not soiled could be done less frequently thus avoiding a possible battle.

• Notice any sudden skin changes, such as bruising, dryness and look for signs of depression.

• Check the medications. This can be overlooked, especially if they are on their own. Check the fill date and count the pills that remain to make sure they are taking them. Not taking the medicine could be a sign of a more serious issue. Likewise, taking too much could be problematic. Ask yourself, your loved one and/or the physician if the medications could be altering their behavior? Are they interacting without food? Can they be taken at bedtime to minimize side effects?

• Are they having problems swallowing that you didn't know about? Maybe that's why they won't eat large chunks of food or take their medicine.

• Perhaps it's a functionality issue. Special silverware to help them or other durable medical equipment aids could be used to make their daily tasks that much easier

Lastly, be open minded. The changes that come with old age are oftentimes difficult. Remember that there is usually a reason why people behave the way they do. Try to discover and understand why your elderly loved one is refusing care. Address those reasons and explain to them the benefits of accepting care and how it can potentially bring back the quality of their life.

Tags: resistance to care, resisting care, resisting help, senior resistance Comments: 0

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